Tag Archives: menopause

Hot mess

I am well into the hormone treatment phase of this breast cancer journey. It has been about 15 months since I started Tamoxifen, and my thermostat is officially broken. The hot sweats are relentless. Day, night and in between. I’m just a hot mess.

And that is not the only issue I am having with medical menopause.

This part of my journey has been, and continues to be, the most challenging. At least with surgery and chemotherapy, I could see the end. I knew roughly when I would heal or feel better. With hormone treatment I have no idea when, or if these feelings might end.

In my professional life, I often see women who tell me about the perils of hormone treatment. Many just stop taking the treatment because they can’t handle the side effects. I never understood it. Why would you stop taking a drug that is reducing the risk of the cancer coming back?! It seemed crazy……… until now.

Now, I get it. It’s all about quality of life. The constant hot flashes, the brain fog, the aches, the fatigue. It can be quite debilitating and if it is too much to bear then where is your quality of life? Like most medical interventions, it is a cost verses benefit scenario. Most importantly, every case is different and every patient has the right to weigh up how much a treatment is helping or not helping (under medical direction).

Now here’s something else about me some will know and some won’t. I can be a bit of a martyr (about many things). I believe in the research in and around breast cancer. I have always said if I had to have a cancer this is the one I would prefer, not only because of my knowledge, but because of the funding and research around it.

I believe in what the doctor is prescribing me and for that reason, I will continue to take the drug despite the side effects. But that is me and I judge no one who chooses a different path for themself. There is a lot to weight up.

For now, I have to continue to find ways to minimise the impact hormone treatment is having on my life and to find ways to vent (sorry readers). So far, there is really only one thing that I can confidently say helps me and that is exercise. Movement helps ease the joint aches and clears the mind. Swimming even keeps the hot sweats at bay, but in the gym……………… sorry hot mess.

Just to weigh in on the recent Hyrox controversy, I am a courteous hot mess! Sweat towels and wiping down all the way. No one needs to follow a hot mess……………. or a bowel mess. How was that allowed?!!

Ax

Realisation….. it’s a long haul

**** Before you read this, know that I am okay, I’m just trying to be true to myself and blog the reality of my situation ****

If I’m honest with you all, the last month has been really hard. I’ve started to write about four blogs but can’t seem to get out what I am trying to say. I don’t want it to be a poor me post, rather a post about the general aftermath of breast cancer treatment because I am 100% sure I am not alone in how I am feeling at the moment.

For five months, I was in a situation where I was going from one appointment to another, ticking of each box in the treatment cycle. I just wanted to get it done and know I had done everything I possibly could to kick cancer’s arse. I was strong and I was determined.

Then I finished.

I thought….. “right, time to get back to normal”, but it appears that is not how this works.

Apparently it takes time.

I am impatient. I want hair, I want normality, I want to work and I want to exercise. Every time I slightly overdo things, my body kicks me in the butt. Presently it’s with a chest infection.

There are many things about treatment you wouldn’t have even thought about. Like the fact I am now dealing with medically induced menopause. It sucks, my hot flushes are relentless and my brain some days struggles to function. But, the worst has been a clash in medication.

I haven’t been shy in the past about writing about my mental health struggles, so why start now? 🤣 For 15 years I have been treated for anxiety. For 15 years I have taken the same antidepressant. Just weeks after enduring the most difficult thing I have done in my life, I discovered this drug would reduce the effectiveness of Tamoxifen (the hormone blocker I will need to take for at least the next five years to reduce the chance of recurrence). I had to stop.

It took a month to wean off it and I immediately started an alternative. I have had support along the way with regular GP visits, psychologist appointment and other alternative therapies through Solaris Cancer Care. It has been done in a calculated and researched manner, but it has been hard. I have felt quite down and at times alone.

In true Amber style, I thought keeping as busy as possible would be the best way through, my psychologist even agreed. But my body did not. I got sick, and my defences just couldn’t fight it. I took antibiotics and carried on. Today I write this from bed, where I should have stayed a week ago.

Realisation…… I’m not super woman after all.

This week has made me realise, I still have a long way to go to heal from this ordeal both physically and mentally. I am telling myself everything will be there waiting when I am ready, but I have to stop thinking about when that might be. There is no timeline.

My hair is a good indication of slowly, slowly, I should heed its wisdom. It’s now two shades of grey instead of white so things can still change.

There you go, I still have a smile on my dial!!

A dose of sunshine and warmth is on the cards this week, just what the doctor ordered. Andy and I are off to Darwin on Friday to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. He needs this as much as I do, my rock throughout, but he is exhausted too.

Yay, https://thetravelbee.blog/ will get a run. Absolutely no talk of cancer on that channel!

Ax