Tag Archives: Shitty Titty Committee

Recurrence scare number 1

It has taken me weeks to write about this. I started and stopped twice. I just didn’t know how to put my thoughts into coherent words!

Two weeks ago I had a small surgery. Not surprisingly, it triggered all kinds of emotions. As I lay in the holding bay for theatre, I remembered the fear and the lack of control. The questions…. How big is the cancer? Is it in the lymph nodes? Will I need chemo? Will this kill me? It all came flooding back coupled with the new fear….. has it spread?

As I recover from this surgery, I realise this is my life now. Whilst I have healed from the breast cancer surgery and chemotherapy, the fear will always be there. It is something I have to learn to live with.

A friend from the ‘Sh*tty T*tty Committee’ told me this quote when we met over the weekend.

‘You are never out of the woods but learn to live between the trees’ (or something like that, I may have it slightly wrong!)

It is so pertinent.

Having spent most of this year in treatment mode, I have ticked off each step in my mind; surgery, chemo session 1,2,3,4, hormone blockers, surgeon visits, oncologist visits, and then entered into the rehabilitation phase with my physiotherapist, dietitian, psychologist, massage therapist, hairdresser and many more amazing professionals.

But now I enter the next phase, one I will never escape. I will always be a post breast cancer patient. I know that sounds very dramatic and I have purposely written it down to make myself understand. I had been living this year with the intention of conquering this thing by Christmas. I could put it all to bed and move on.

Whilst some of that is true, I had completely discounted the recurrent fear. Something very hard to overcome. The crazy lead up to Christmas will always remind me of the year I squeezed in the ultrasound appointment right before Christmas only to discover….. I had cancer.

But………

I will always be looking for ways to cast the fear aside. I will always be distracting myself by living my best life, experiencing as much as I can traveling, swimming and exploring new hobbies.

I will dodge those trees with vigour as I learn to live amongst them!

Ax

P.S. The results of this latest surgery were benign 🎉🎉🎉🎉

Sisterhood and celebration

One of the things about breast cancer is sadly there are so many of us that have been through it. 1 in 7 women will be diagnosed in their lifetime. In some way it touches us all.

Right from the start, I wanted my experience to help people. With more knowledge than the average patient, I felt I could. But, I am not alone in my plight to help. It seems a common trait amongst those that have suffered. We are all desperate to make it better for the next person.

On the weekend, I attended the Bigger Boobie Ball at Sabina River in Busselton. The brainchild of Carol and Heather, this event gets bigger and more celebratory each year. Raising money for Breast Cancer Care WA is the main aim, but they have a whole lot of fun doing it and it is an opportunity for everyone to come together and celebrate those that have fought this insidious disease.

I was humbled to be asked to contribute my experience to a video that was played on the evening. I had recorded it several weeks prior. It wasn’t emotional, it was factual and direct. My message was clear. Take control, use the amazing services we have in WA and know your body. It was typical Amber.

What I didn’t expect, were the tears rolling down my face when the video came on (although a close friend had predicted it). I’m not entirely sure what happened, or why I was so emotional but I think it was a moment of….. shit, this really happened to me and all since last year’s ball.

Once I gathered myself, I was able to stand proud. Proud of what I got through this year, proud for sharing it and proud of all of my supporters. Without them, I never would have survived it as well as I have. I rang the bell and celebrated ‘feeling like me again’.

Photo credits to https://www.abbymurrayphotography.com/

One of the things I loved most about the evening was the coming together of breast cancer sisters. The photo below, shows a few of the group we call the ‘Shitty Titty Committee’. We stand together and make sure no one goes through this alone, we ask each other questions, we share experience and head coverings, we find funny in the not funny.

But this picture is my moment…….. each of us has just rung the bell to celebrate our own unique milestone and Heather has asked if there is anyone else present who would also like to ring the bell. We look so happy to see someone we don’t know step forward, courageous and brave, ready to ring the bell. We have no idea who she is or her story, but we know she is one of us. She is part of our sisterhood.

Photo credits to https://www.abbymurrayphotography.com/

As we like to say in the Shitty Titty Committee…. ‘shittiest club but best members’. The frightening fact that struck everyone as we stood there glammed up and happy, was how young we all were. Maybe the older ladies were at home, maybe the drag queens and music and dancing and food and Boobie golf and silks show was too daunting…….. or maybe this disease is beginning to strike younger…….

Either way…. it sucks (the older ladies would have loved the night).

Ax