Sisterhood and celebration

One of the things about breast cancer is sadly there are so many of us that have been through it. 1 in 7 women will be diagnosed in their lifetime. In some way it touches us all.

Right from the start, I wanted my experience to help people. With more knowledge than the average patient, I felt I could. But, I am not alone in my plight to help. It seems a common trait amongst those that have suffered. We are all desperate to make it better for the next person.

On the weekend, I attended the Bigger Boobie Ball at Sabina River in Busselton. The brainchild of Carol and Heather, this event gets bigger and more celebratory each year. Raising money for Breast Cancer Care WA is the main aim, but they have a whole lot of fun doing it and it is an opportunity for everyone to come together and celebrate those that have fought this insidious disease.

I was humbled to be asked to contribute my experience to a video that was played on the evening. I had recorded it several weeks prior. It wasn’t emotional, it was factual and direct. My message was clear. Take control, use the amazing services we have in WA and know your body. It was typical Amber.

What I didn’t expect, were the tears rolling down my face when the video came on (although a close friend had predicted it). I’m not entirely sure what happened, or why I was so emotional but I think it was a moment of….. shit, this really happened to me and all since last year’s ball.

Once I gathered myself, I was able to stand proud. Proud of what I got through this year, proud for sharing it and proud of all of my supporters. Without them, I never would have survived it as well as I have. I rang the bell and celebrated ‘feeling like me again’.

Photo credits to https://www.abbymurrayphotography.com/

One of the things I loved most about the evening was the coming together of breast cancer sisters. The photo below, shows a few of the group we call the ‘Shitty Titty Committee’. We stand together and make sure no one goes through this alone, we ask each other questions, we share experience and head coverings, we find funny in the not funny.

But this picture is my moment…….. each of us has just rung the bell to celebrate our own unique milestone and Heather has asked if there is anyone else present who would also like to ring the bell. We look so happy to see someone we don’t know step forward, courageous and brave, ready to ring the bell. We have no idea who she is or her story, but we know she is one of us. She is part of our sisterhood.

Photo credits to https://www.abbymurrayphotography.com/

As we like to say in the Shitty Titty Committee…. ‘shittiest club but best members’. The frightening fact that struck everyone as we stood there glammed up and happy, was how young we all were. Maybe the older ladies were at home, maybe the drag queens and music and dancing and food and Boobie golf and silks show was too daunting…….. or maybe this disease is beginning to strike younger…….

Either way…. it sucks (the older ladies would have loved the night).

Ax

Next tick box

I have had three days to process the next step in my journey. I said the other day, I was shell shocked. That wasn’t quite right, I know enough about this stuff to know chemotherapy was always going to be on the cards. It wasn’t a complete surprise or bolt from the blue.

What I actually was, was deeply disappointed (thanks Dad for giving me the right word) and scared. I was disappointed that I was going to have to walk an unknown road, the road on which I have vast knowledge gaps. And what I don’t understand and am not in control of, makes me scared…….

I don’t know how the drugs will make me feel, I don’t know what will happen to my hair, I don’t know how my children will feel with a mother that will outwardly look sick and I don’t know how I’ll cope with looking and feeling sick. I am not good at sitting still.

But then I reminded myself, I have chosen to undertake chemotherapy because it will give me the best chance of never seeing this thing ever again and living a long and fulfilling life. I also reminded myself, there are plenty of people out there (that I know even) that have done this before as well as plenty that can help me negotiate it.

On Wednesday, I started the day by crying on a friend’s shoulder. Then, I got on with it. I read all of the information from my oncologist, I got on the phone and I started calling for help. I spoke to a McGrath nurse I know through work. After her initial surprise, she was straight onto helping to fill my knowledge gaps. She emailed information specific to my questions and referred me onto Breast Cancer Care WA for counselling support.

I made it my mission to understand as much as I could. A close and very special friend visited and insisted she would be my chemo buddy. This was a great comfort and another thing I don’t need to worry or think about. Others sent messages of support and reminders of how strong I am. I read every one and then I got my big girl pants on and started to flex those ‘strong’ muscles.

Thursday was all about my hair. I still haven’t made a decision about what I will do, but I researched cold cap therapy, debriefed with a friend and called my hairdresser. I talked to my children about what they would feel comfortable with, and I started ordering headwear.

So, that is where I am at….. my knowledge is improving and I am working towards just ticking that next box.

Oh ………………. and I am on a macrame mission.

Ax