role model – The BooBee Journey

To tell or not to tell?

Sorry……. probably tears again.

When these kinds of diagnoses occur, the person involved has to make so many choices. Not the least of which, is who to tell and when. This is very individual, and something that may change along the way. Your wants and needs ebb and flow.

For me, the first big hurdle was whether to tell the family at Christmas. Our children knew about my appointments and asked how it went. We are a very open family and I could not lie, so they knew things weren’t good the evening of the 23rd.

A close friend who always shares Christmas Eve with us, knew the minute she walked in the door something was up. She didn’t ask, but after a few drinks I shared my news. We had a cry. It was still so raw, yet I took comfort in knowing she was behind me and ready to assist.

On Christmas Day, we always start with a swim in the shark net. My husband went alone. I was not allowed to swim following the biopsy and I had barely slept. I decided to reserve my energy for the family. I knew it would be a tough day.

Our swimming friends were surprised not to see me. My husband told them why, naturally they were shocked but they were there for him, something I am very grateful for. My first messages of support started rolling in.

I decided I would conceal my news from the family. I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s day. But, like my friend, Mum new something was up. We had gathered for brunch and I just couldn’t face the pile of food in front of me. She asked if I was sick………….. I said……… I think so…….. and it all came out.

When I think about it, it was actually the best time to tell them. At least we were all there to support one another, Christmas is the only time of the year this happens. I opened a bottle of bubbles and Mum and I drank our sorrows away. While everyone else fussed around, sorting food, offering support and explaining things to the kids. We had each other.

It made me realise, that getting it out in the open was going to help me immensely. I needed to feed off the support of others. I found it very difficult to talk about, but a few days after Christmas I started messaging my friends and colleagues. I will be forever grateful that I did. Although I didn’t feel strong enough to see them, the messages of support gave me so much strength.

In my previous blog https://theboobee.blog/2025/01/31/finding-strength/, I talked of how my knowledge gave me the ability to be strong. True, but it was my friends and family that made it a reality. In the wee hours, when I lay awake thinking about what was next, I reread those messages of support over and over. I drew strength from them and I knew I could go forward and beat this thing.

As you all know, I have now opened my circle even wider and I am considering ways to make it wider still. As I said at the start, it is a very individual choice as to when you let people in. When you, and only you (as the person going through this) feels the time is right. For many, the battle may remain a secret for a long time or maybe even forever. That is your choice.

For me, letting people in gave me tremendous comfort. Not only that, it gave me the bravery and brawn to put it all out there, to be raw and honest. And this appealed to one of my biggest moral values, to help others (it’s why I do my job, why I take on so much). But you all made me feel that maybe I have a role to play. Sharing my story and my knowledge could help others in more ways than one.

It’s not just about breast cancer. It’s about sharing your problems, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and allowing people who care about you to shoulder some of the burden. I have learnt a great deal about human nature in the last few weeks. I am not alone in wanting to help others, it is a very common and noble trait. We just have to allow people to actually do it, to say yes when they offer support and remember that it actually helps both parties.

A x

Missing out – Jetty swim 2025

Warning: This one is a tear jerker….

One of my biggest fears after diagnosis was what I might miss out on this year. Would it effect holiday plans, events with the kids and swimming? An early realisation was ………I would have to miss the 2025 Busselton Jetty Swim. It would be the first time in 15 years I wasn’t out there.

This was particularly devastating for me. It is an event that I am so passionate about. Over the years I have done many solo swims (3.6km) but I have also swum it in duos and teams. These were because I wanted to share this beautiful event with those I love and the kids I coached.

In recent years, I had done the mile, once escorting a beautiful friend and last year because I missed out on a solo entry. Incidentally, that turned out to be one of my most competitive swims, finishing 4th in the old lady’s division!

It never mattered to me which way I was swimming it as long as I was in there. I’ve watched the men and women in their 70s and 80s, blind and disabled. Families, friends and couples achieve their goals. And then there are the people that have overcome huge challenges just to be there. It is so inspiring. The swim’s tagline is ‘everybody’s swim’ and that’s exactly what it is.

Yesterday was the day. I planned to sit at home and have a nice breakfast and look forward to 2026. But a part of me knew there would be an awful lot of ‘poor me’ going on in my brain.

But then my army stepped forward….

The people I had encouraged and hopefully inspired along the way, stood up and did it for me (of course they had their own reasons but I know they were thinking of me). From our friends that meet us for early morning swims in the shark net, to the friend I meet weekly at Yallingup lagoon, to kids I’ve coached, to my friend who had been building her way up to a full solo and overcoming injury……. to my beautiful and courageous son.

They did it for themselves and me.…… and the conditions were horrendous.

For my boy, it was a last minute decision. He hadn’t trained, an ex competitive swimmer who had lost the love. A spot came up and being a lifeguard at the pool, he had listened to the swim coach’s preparations and tips for his squad and he thought…… I can do that.

As a parent, there are many proud moments but I’m not sure anything will top this one for me. It hurt him like hell and as I say the conditions were crap, but he kept going.

His one request was that I was at the finish line. It was a bit of an effort, but of course I got there and this was my reward…

It turns out the 2025 (30th Busselton jetty swim) will be one of the most memorable. As a wise person in my family said ‘I could not have handed the baton to a more reliable person’

And the challenge is set….

He told me last night, he’s training for the solo next year and he’s going to beat me.

Bring it on!!

Finding strength

Many people have commented on how strong I have been throughout the ordeal to this point. They ask me how I’m doing it. The answer is quite simple. It’s all about knowledge.

I know this disease. I know how it works, the different types, surgical options, surgical outcomes, other treatment options and recommendations. Through my work, I have literally studied this information to qualify and then seen it over and over.

For this reason, I was able to make quick, clear decisions about what I needed and wanted. I was in the drivers seat. It is the single biggest difference between myself and the average patient in my situation. It is something that you cannot give or recommend or offer to other patients, because it took me 25 years working in the industry in Australia, NZ and the UK to gain it.

What I’m saying is………. only someone with my knowledge could have even attempted to have the strength and clarity I’ve had. I can tell you now, any other cancer diagnosis and it would have been a very different story.

I guess the only thing I could say to others, is to get as much information as you can, then take your time (within reason of course) to make your decision. Having some level of control over your treatment makes a big difference.

For me, there will be other challenges which I will continue to write about. I have experienced several. Writing about them is me processing, dealing with and then moving forward from each one as they arise. I recently discovered how important this process is.