Tag Archives: puzzles

Treatment 4: The aftermath – my head

I am nearly a week on from my last chemo treatment and my head is in a funny place. I have this constant nagging question ……. What happens now?

Yes, I know I still need to heal. I have the physical effects of chemo to recover from and hormonal treatment starting soon. But, I am anxious to move forward, move past the diagnosis and treatment. I need a plan of how I am I going to live my life post cancer.

I’ve mentioned before, things shouldn’t go back to how they were. I cannot continue to do a million things, achieve a million things and expect myself to perform the way I always have. I have to slow down, I have to be compassionate towards myself and I have to finally learn to say no because……. well…….. my life actually depends on it now (dramatic but true).

But how?

How do you find a balance between a healthy lifestyle, making ends meet, feeling fulfilled and challenged, yet not overworked and overwhelmed? It’s not going to be easy and will likely be the biggest challenge of this whole journey.

It’s about a fundamental change in mindset. I have to think more about what I really want to be doing with my time, not what I think I should be doing with my time. At yoga this week I received this affirmation. It is quite fitting don’t you think?

With small changes and adjustments, and without big expectations I should surely be able to do less!! (please remind me I said this when I am feeling frustrated or overdoing it!).

I’m starting simple, focusing on keywords. Today’s……

Time

Family

Love

I’m taking time in my family home, surrounded by love, to try and love myself (faults, scars and quirks).

My assistant is with me and we are puzzling. She seems ok with my faults……. except one……. a late feed! That will never be acceptable!

Ax

Home coming

I knew this would be a roller coaster and we all know I was pretty high when I left hospital. Still slightly high on drugs but mainly on adrenaline and dopamine.

It lasted two days at home before the crash. My breathing wasn’t improving and my anxiety was rising. Why wasn’t I getting better? I had my family, my friends, my cat and my bed. Surely I should have been improving.

I dialed a friend. Someone I trust and someone with the knowledge to explain what what was going on. She told me to cut back on the visitors, stop the stimulants (tea, coffee etc), take something to help me sleep but above all, to stay as calm as possible and rest.

And advice from my husband ……………. to stop talking!

Those who know me, know that this would be the biggest challenge yet………. I do not sit still, my Nana called me ‘chitter chat the magpie’ for a reason.

I’ll admit, it may have taken a little pill to do so, but I have heeded the advice and four days down the track I am so much better. My breathing has improved, my brain has settled and the wounds are healing.

I have found a place of peace and stillness in watching Netflix, working on a puzzle and cleaning out and organizing my jewellery box. That sounds like I have a lot of jewels…….. but no, just a few tangled necklaces and bracelets (actually, I do have a lot of earrings).

I have an activity table with puzzles, painting, books, sudoku and the macrame is out! All quiet activities. I am starving and eating the food deliveries with relish. A very positive sign.

So, I am getting there. I may not be seeing many of my friends but I can feel you all right behind me.

A x