Scars

I’ve been a bit quiet on this blog lately. To be honest I kind of forgot about breast cancer, I’ve been too busy (traveling and writing The Travel Bee blog). How good is that? So grateful I was well enough.

Somehow, the anniversary of breast cancer has passed by without much fanfare or drama or trauma. For that I am thankful.

I have noticed something in me starting to change though. As you all know, I am a swimmer. When I first went back to the water, getting changed after was traumatic. I had to make sure no one noticed my disfigurement (that’s how I thought of it). There were multiple towels and all sort of manoeuvres to ensure everything was covered.

Last week, I was working in Perth. I was swimming at the pools I frequented as a child. There were all kinds of memories and smells and familiarity. It wasn’t until I found myself with my towel around my ankles, that I realised…….. I don’t care anymore! In fact, I want to wear my scars with pride.

Don’t get me wrong……

I am not one of those women that walk around the change room starkers. No, I still maintain my dignity and cover up as much as I can, but what I mean is, if the towel accidentally drops (like it did) and someone sees what I have been through, I don’t or won’t feel ashamed or embarrassed.

I won’t let getting changed feel traumatic any more.

All in all, I am doing well. I am feeling strong, continuing rehabilitation work with my physiotherapist and I survived a family ski trip! I even almost enjoyed skiing!

My fatigue sneaks up on me and floors me now and again but that is to be expected and not something entirely new to me. I need to remind myself it’s okay to pull back.

My hair is crazy. The curls insane and bushy. This morning when I woke, I was on my way to a Marge Simpson hair do. The sides were flat (where I had slept) and the front stood straight up! I just need some blue dye! I’ve managed to glue it down, but it is becoming increasingly difficult!

So I am moving onwards and upwards. I’m also thinking of the ladies following behind me, the newly diagnosed, the ones facing the anxiety of their annual scans and those in treatment. You’ve got this.

Ax